Hi, I’m going out with this 23-yr old. He has no job right now, partly due to a unemployment problem in the area, and he has not yet gone to college. Still, he has high hopes for his future. It has become too hard to take our relationship too seriously because he is immature about things. I know that in time he may get his act together. Anyway, the point is that he and I would have an even better relationship if we would have met a while from now. Still, i can’t bear to break up and wait it out beause i can’t tak the risk of losing him. I’m not sure exactly what to do…because I miss being taken out on dates and being treated with more respect-yet at the same time, I am only 19 years old. Maybe I’m taking everything too seriously an need to loosen up and let time decide. I’m not sure what to do. Despite his set-backs, he is the best-looking guy I have ever gone out with, and I have never felt the way I feel when I am with him, the little time that it may be. Any advice on how I should deal with things? I have made more friends so I don’t have to dwell on this, but even though he’s always at his different friends’ houses, he seems a little jealous. I am thoroughly confused and am convinced that I may never have guys figured out.
Nicole, age 19
By the sound of your letter, I truly believe you know what to do. Confusion comes when your mind wavers between right and wrong. You already have half your problem solved…..you can see that this guy is going nowhere fast. The question is – do you want to go with him. I know he is attractive…but looks cannot bring you happiness. So you have a great looking guy on your arms, but the man has no job and no motivation to get one (believe me they are out there if he really wants to work, stop making excuses for him). We as woman always believe we will be the one who can change them…I’ve been there, done that! We can’t!
Change has to come from them, their heart, they have to want to change because they want to be a man of character, they want to reach their goals. They will not change because you want them too…and if they do, it is only for a short time. “If you do not plan to succeed, you plan to fail!” Which brings me to you. What are you doing to succeed….what are your plans? Step away from worrying about him and your relationship with him and focus on your dreams and goals. Make a plan for your life and put it into action. Once you focus on your goals, this guy (and guys like him) will slowly begin to become less important in your life.
If you are in a sexual relationship with him, it is time to STOP! Because the bond your creating with him through sex is the chain that will keep you with him and keep you from becoming the woman you want to be. I know, I lived through it at your age. I was 19 ….and because I could not grasp what I am trying to tell you, I was a single mom before I turned twenty. It comes down to self-respect. You deserve the best. You attract what you are….be your best and you will attract the best. Abstinence…because you are worth it!